Mind blowing

As for hacks - P's long handled metal shoe horn which has a hook on the end makes a very fine back scratcher.

As for the word 'hack' see https://people.howstuffworks.com/word-hack.htm

I'm sure lots of people who walk with sticks don't really need them to walk with but use them for picking blackberries, tripping up passers by, poking in the spokes of cyclists and, as it says in the "When I am old" poem, rattling railings. https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poem/warning/
From a gardening point of view, dibbing holes for planting leeks and onions etc.

EDIT I've just read that poem again and it mentions eating 3 pounds of sausages in one go - sounds like you, Vinny.

I would eat the sausages but couldn't do without my butter!  They say "Red & green should never be seen" but my rebellious nature means I purposely wear this colour combination just to pee people off!

You should wear "Blue and green should ne'er be seen" for more impact.