POLL - 3rd Birthday Competition

In May the forum celebrates its 3rd birthday!

To celebrate we will be running a competition with a prize fund of £50. The details will be published soon, so make sure you visit every day or you might miss the chance to enter

Over Easter 4 posts will be made containing key words you need to collect to stand a chance of winning a prize.

EDIT To make it easier for you all to Vote, I've moved the entries into the POLL thread. No excuse for not  Voting now. 
Voting closes 28th May. 

As writing really isn’t my thing. I’m quite happy to say ……….finished!

Once upon a time a very special place was created. (Well about 3 years ago actually.) It was named garden & gossip. To enter this special place you have to be ever so slightly gardening obsessed. When you get there you’ll meet fun, generous, caring, knowledgeable and lovely people and me. This very special  almost magical place exists in a somewhat different reality known as splott .  So many weird and wonderful things are hot topics. Compost ! You wouldn’t believe how many conversations revolve around compost. One of the most magical parts of the garden and gossip is pet’s corner. Love meeting all our special little friends. As it’s a different reality my favourite pet is little Fergie. A very cute little grey tractor with a massive personality.  There’s another area of g&g that many people visit regularly. No not the pub. Bradan . Everyone that visits is always so incredibly supportive, kind, patient and always ready with advice and ideas. For those that have completely stepped off the planet and don’t know what Bradan is ! It’s a place where dreams are made. Very selfishly those dreams are mine and Bobs.

Footnotes ( in a terry pratchett style)
Sloptt obviously must be in a different reality because it the opposite side of Cardiff to our lovely Veggie.
Compost, we really do spend a lot of time talking about it. But not as much time as we do with our hands in it !
Fergie isn’t really a pet! But I’m sure if vinny’s front door was wide enough Fergie would be allowed in the house to sit on the rug in front of the fire on cold evenings.
Bradan - everything I said is true. In a nutshell it’s me waffling on constantly about my self build. I just hope it entertains you lot as much as you all help me.

A very happy Birthday Garden and gossip. May you have many more     .

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away..........

Well,  to be honest it wasn't that long ago, only three years and the galaxy isn't that far away, its right under your noses, as in the here and now, but it sounds a good starting line and might have got your attention. It worked for George Lucas so why not for me?

Having got your attention I'd like to tell you about some friends of mine. They're a motley bunch from all over the land and I've not a bad word to write about any of them. I say write because my friends and I have never met but I still feel we're all friends nonetheless and I write to them almost every day.  I know what most of them look like as we've exchanged mug shots but we've never actually met face to face. We're all members of an online forum, Garden and Gossip. You can probably guess what we talk about - gardening -  with a side order of almost anything that takes our fancy, i.e gossip.  Don't get me wrong,  we don't gossip about each other, that would never do. It's just that we discuss almost anything to death barring politics and religion.  Take this as an example. One friend is building a house from scratch, no mean feat I can tell you, and the house even has a name BRADAN, 'salmon' to you and me. We all follow the progress of this build avidly, secretly wishing it was us putting our ideas into reality but thanking the gods we're not suffering the trials and set backs that go with it.  We are blessed with pictures and blow by blow  narrative of the  progress of this exciting self-build nestling in the beautiful Scottish countryside by those who are actually experiencing it. Then there's a new recruit to the forum, FERGIE, he's a rather silent partner in this enterprise, in fact he's entirely silent on the forum, if not in reality. He's a little grey Fergusson tractor whose dad gives us updates on the refurbishment process.  The forum was full of ideas of how to decorate FERGIE for Christmas.

Now then, those of you who have travelled the world may know of a place called SPLOTT, funny name isn't it? Don't worry I'd never heard of it either, it's in Wales a suburb of Cardiff. One of my forum friends told us all about going to Splott for a vaccination, in truth I was so taken by the name the purpose of the visit paled into insignificance. Who would want to say they lived in Splott, its almost as bad as living in Wyre Piddle (why not, is what I say).  So you see we have full and varied conversations on our beloved forum. There's only a few of us but that means we get to know each  other rather well.  We're always looking for new recruits. It helps if you've an interest in gardening, the soil, the best COMPOST to use or just the growing of things generally, but it's not strictly necessary. What you definitely need is a sense of humour and a whole heap of love. So please, come and join our little family on our 3rd birthday, you know you want to.

The Easter Story


And the Lord appeared to Vinny at his allotment in the flames of the bonfire he was burning rubbish on:-
”lo and behold Vinny,how have you been  keeping marra?”
“Yipes,you give me a bit of a fright there God,Just burning a bit of crap if you’ll excuse my French ,howya keeping yessell?
“No blaspheming if you don’t mind in my presence Vinny!” 
“Sorry God, ah got carried away there”
“ The beards coming along nicely there Vinny?”
“ Aye ave got a bit of catching up ta dee to get as good a beard as you though God?”
”Aye well,Ave had a bit longer than you to grow it! Anyway in answer to your question I could be better Vinny,but after 2000 years the stuff those Romans put wor kid through still leaves a bad taste in my mouth”
“Aye,must have been a bit painful at the time.So what can I do for you God? I’m a bit busy at the mo on the plot, butt yeh naa me, if I cud help ya I wud! Howay spit it oot?”
“Ah need some insight into this Gardening and Gossip online forum you frequent Vinny?”
“What do you need ta naa God an aal help ya if a can?”
“ Ave been deeing a bit of research Vinny and this is one of the few forums that there doesn’t appear to be much ‘bitchiness’ and no advertising?”
“Aye that’s reet God,that’s some of the reasons I visit it but mostly because it’s a bunch of like minded individuals who like to garden and have a bit of a natter now and again.Nearly three years it's been in existence and hardly a cross word. We don’t take ourselves too seriously and all have a bit of a laugh”
“ That’s what ah thought,but I have a huge favour to ask Vinny?Ah need ya to shift some compost for me”
“ Aye alreet then,but why can't you just use your ‘God’ powers and shift it yesell?
“ Listen bonny lad,if ya divn’t want to dee it just say so and aal find someone else”
“Alreet,keep yer hair on God ,of course al dee it, I mean you are the last person I want to upset”
“ Glad to hear it Vinny and yeh never nah there might be a little summat in heaven for you?”
“Does that mean I’m going to Heaven God,have you made your mind up already?
“ We’ll see Vinny,depends on whether you obey my commands or not?”
 “Reet, howay then give is the crack,what’s the plan”
The Lord sayetth” thou shalt pick up these bags of compost at Splott and transfer them to the Isle of Mull”
“ Okay God, where the fe…..flippin eck is this Splott, and what am I going to use to carry it to Mull”
“ If you contact Veggie,she lives in Wales and should be able to direct you to Splott.
“ I hope you ain’t extracting urine here God, what sort of a name is Splott and how the he….heck am I going to get to Wales to pick up a load of compost and then take it to the Isle of Mull?”
“ You can use the fergie Vinny,think of it as a ‘’road trip’”
“If i set off now God,I might get there by Christmas,anyway where am I going once I get to Mull?”
“ You are going to ‘Bradan’ Vinny, which is Small Pumpkins gaff”
“She would probably need the compost NOW for the chillies to be planted in God,so Christmas would be nee good”
“ You forget Vinny, I am omnipotent and your Fergie will fly like the wind if I wish it so”
“ Wey hey,can you make it fly like a magic carpet to byass any traffic jams?”
“ We’ll see how it gans Vinny,but not promising nowt”
“ Ave got a bit of a problem tho God.The boss says we have to write a story and aah divn’t naa what tee rite aboot?
“ THE BOSS,THE BOSS Vinny ahm the boss,who is this intruder?”
“ Alreet God,diinet get you knickers in a twist.We aal know that YOU are THE  boss but he's the forum administrator. He does a canny job so gan canny with him”
“Thou shalt only have only one God, the Lord aal mighty Vinny, but as lang as his heart is in the right place,aal turn a blind eye,this time.”
“ Cheers God but that doesn’t help me with a story theme?”
“Why don't you tell them about your exploits with ME, that should impress them?”
“Good thinking God! , So I can tell them about shifting compost from Splott with the Edward the Fergie and taking it to SP’s gaff at Braden on the Isle of Mull.! Can Kato come with me as I don’t like to leave him and I am sure he would enjoy the ride!”
“Nee botha Vinny, and aal be there in the background to keep an eye on you and Kato”


So Vinny and Kato fired the auld Fergie up and were ready to set away when Vinny had a thought?
“How much compost are we tarking about God?”
“Just 20 large bags Vinny. Peat free has been mentioned and its good for the planet,if not necessarily for the plants?”
“Nee way,aal never get that on the back withoot a trailer? I have got one at the allotment though and Kato can ride on there as well.”
“Well divn’t just taark aboot it Vinny,gan and get it!!!”


So,  the happy duo were on their way……eventually! A lot of the travelling was done at night, which was a bit hazardous as  Edward the Fergie had no lights and Kato was frightened of the dark. Luckily God intervened here and there and the tractor and trailer flew through the air at 20000 feet avoiding road traffic and creating less of a fuss. A few sky watchers were standing aghast as a Fergie tractor and trailer were silhouetted against the full moon like Mary poppins on her bike!
With Gods intervention the happy duo made it to what we think was Admins plot at Splott. The twelve wheelbarrows leaning against the wall was a clue they were in the right spot.
God spake,”So you are you the one they call the ‘Boss’ ? Well just as long as you tow the line I’ll let you keep that title,now where’s all this compost that needs shifting?”
Vinny was already loading a pile of compost he had found heaped together and the Boss gave him a hand!
“Thats it loaded then” sez Vinny “ nice to meet you Boss,but I need to get this to SP before her chilli’s get too leggy in their smaller pots”
God piped up “Never mind nattering Vinny, you do enough of that on the forum,let's get cracking!”
So Vinny and Kato set off with a full load on the trailer.Once again, as soon as it got dark, God took over and elevated the tractor and trailer into the clouds.
“Bradan here we come shouted Vinny. Aam a bit worried about gannin ower the watter though?”
“Nee botha Vinny, once we get to the coast I can drop you down onto the water”
“Ah cannot swim very well God so take that into account?”
“Yeall be alreet Vinny, if i can make people wark on water, and sure I can run a tractor and trailer on top of the watter nee bother”
“How much longer God? My wellies are saving my feet but this wind and rain is drenching my claes”
“ Nearly there Vinny, we’re ower the watery bit so I can take you back up to 20000 feet, that should dry you out a bit”
“ Look there’s SP’s dog come to greet us.Settle yesell  Kato and no fighting. I wonder whether I can scrounge a cuppa before heading back.Thank Goodness Bob is there to lend a hand at unloading compost”
“ Can you make it back yesell vinny,as I have things to do” said God.
“Your’e joking God aren’t you? How can me Edward and Kato get across the watter without your help?”
“ Aye good thinking Vinny, aal get you back ower the watter first and then you can make your way yesell”
“Cool” said Vinny “ Ave always wanted to explore Wales and there’s nee  better time than the present I suppose!. Still nee idea what i am going to write aboot though God and  that 50 squid on offer would come in handy””


“Aam sure you'll think of summat Vinny,ta ra for now kidda!”

The sun shone through the windows of the Splott Vaccination Centre painting squares on the polished wooden floor. Veggie had a childlike urge to play Hopscotch just to make people laugh, but, for once, thought better of it.  Her inner voice told her to "Sit down, shut up and don't make a fool of yourself!". Sounded just like my Mother and, as always, I did what she told me to do.

Its only 15 minutes, Veggie thought, 15 minutes of sitting on an uncomfortable plastic chair, it'll soon be over. She looked around the room at all the socially distanced people, sitting, staring, silent. How can so many people be so quiet? Some looked shyly at their distant neighbours, smiled, and looked away embarrassed. Surely smiling was allowed in this strange new world where everyday interaction between people had been banned. 

A quick check of the clock on the wall, 10 more minutes. Phew. All Veggie wanted to do was to go home to her garden and play in the sun but she had another 10 minutes of sitting and scheming. Her inner voice (Hi Mum) told her to stop fretting and count your blessings. Maybe she couldn't have a natter with the lady with the funny hat or the man with the baggy trousers but she could have a laugh with all her virtual friends in Garden & Gossip later. 

What would I have done throughout lockdown without G&G? she pondered. There was always somebody to chat too, compare gardening notes, ask advice - a community of like-minded people, friends, and knowledgeable, resourceful friends at that. Has a question ever been left unanswered? Nobody need GooGle when they have G&G. 
We've been together now for 3 years, amazing how 3 years can pass so quickly but 15 minutes can last for ever. Wait, its only 5 minutes now. 

Three years in which we've watched the building of Small Chilli and Bob's  wonderful home, Bradan, on the beautiful Isle of Mull with a little envy, not of the hard work but of the end result. Its incredible how much 2 people can do when they turn their minds and hands to it. We're all looking forward to the housewarming - as long as there's cake!

Speaking of cake, how about last Christmas, when Vinny lit up the skies with his flashing Fergie, that's his tractor in case you're wondering. Lots of twinkling lights and the reindeers had a sleepover on his allotment. Some people will do anything for a bit of reindeer poo to add to their compost heap.
 
Veggie checked her watch again - just one more minute until freedom. Dare I go now? Go on, said her inner rebel, nobody will notice you, and there's somebody at home who needs you.       
"You're right" muttered Veggie "I haven't given Mr Greedy a stir today or checked his temperature. Hope he's not chilly or overheating. How can he make Compost if he's cold?". 
Veggie rose surreptitiously to her feet hoping nobody was watching, the plastic chair clattered, she dropped her vaccination card and it seemed that all the room started chuckling. "Sorry Mum, I made a fool of myself after all".

Please Vote for your favourite Story in our 3rd Birthday Competition.
There are 4 entries and the Author with the most votes will win £50. Bet you wish you'd entered now
Voting closes in 3 weeks on 28th May.

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