POLL - 3rd Birthday Competition

The Easter Story


And the Lord appeared to Vinny at his allotment in the flames of the bonfire he was burning rubbish on:-
”lo and behold Vinny,how have you been  keeping marra?”
“Yipes,you give me a bit of a fright there God,Just burning a bit of crap if you’ll excuse my French ,howya keeping yessell?
“No blaspheming if you don’t mind in my presence Vinny!” 
“Sorry God, ah got carried away there”
“ The beards coming along nicely there Vinny?”
“ Aye ave got a bit of catching up ta dee to get as good a beard as you though God?”
”Aye well,Ave had a bit longer than you to grow it! Anyway in answer to your question I could be better Vinny,but after 2000 years the stuff those Romans put wor kid through still leaves a bad taste in my mouth”
“Aye,must have been a bit painful at the time.So what can I do for you God? I’m a bit busy at the mo on the plot, butt yeh naa me, if I cud help ya I wud! Howay spit it oot?”
“Ah need some insight into this Gardening and Gossip online forum you frequent Vinny?”
“What do you need ta naa God an aal help ya if a can?”
“ Ave been deeing a bit of research Vinny and this is one of the few forums that there doesn’t appear to be much ‘bitchiness’ and no advertising?”
“Aye that’s reet God,that’s some of the reasons I visit it but mostly because it’s a bunch of like minded individuals who like to garden and have a bit of a natter now and again.Nearly three years it's been in existence and hardly a cross word. We don’t take ourselves too seriously and all have a bit of a laugh”
“ That’s what ah thought,but I have a huge favour to ask Vinny?Ah need ya to shift some compost for me”
“ Aye alreet then,but why can't you just use your ‘God’ powers and shift it yesell?
“ Listen bonny lad,if ya divn’t want to dee it just say so and aal find someone else”
“Alreet,keep yer hair on God ,of course al dee it, I mean you are the last person I want to upset”
“ Glad to hear it Vinny and yeh never nah there might be a little summat in heaven for you?”
“Does that mean I’m going to Heaven God,have you made your mind up already?
“ We’ll see Vinny,depends on whether you obey my commands or not?”
 “Reet, howay then give is the crack,what’s the plan”
The Lord sayetth” thou shalt pick up these bags of compost at Splott and transfer them to the Isle of Mull”
“ Okay God, where the fe…..flippin eck is this Splott, and what am I going to use to carry it to Mull”
“ If you contact Veggie,she lives in Wales and should be able to direct you to Splott.
“ I hope you ain’t extracting urine here God, what sort of a name is Splott and how the he….heck am I going to get to Wales to pick up a load of compost and then take it to the Isle of Mull?”
“ You can use the fergie Vinny,think of it as a ‘’road trip’”
“If i set off now God,I might get there by Christmas,anyway where am I going once I get to Mull?”
“ You are going to ‘Bradan’ Vinny, which is Small Pumpkins gaff”
“She would probably need the compost NOW for the chillies to be planted in God,so Christmas would be nee good”
“ You forget Vinny, I am omnipotent and your Fergie will fly like the wind if I wish it so”
“ Wey hey,can you make it fly like a magic carpet to byass any traffic jams?”
“ We’ll see how it gans Vinny,but not promising nowt”
“ Ave got a bit of a problem tho God.The boss says we have to write a story and aah divn’t naa what tee rite aboot?
“ THE BOSS,THE BOSS Vinny ahm the boss,who is this intruder?”
“ Alreet God,diinet get you knickers in a twist.We aal know that YOU are THE  boss but he's the forum administrator. He does a canny job so gan canny with him”
“Thou shalt only have only one God, the Lord aal mighty Vinny, but as lang as his heart is in the right place,aal turn a blind eye,this time.”
“ Cheers God but that doesn’t help me with a story theme?”
“Why don't you tell them about your exploits with ME, that should impress them?”
“Good thinking God! , So I can tell them about shifting compost from Splott with the Edward the Fergie and taking it to SP’s gaff at Braden on the Isle of Mull.! Can Kato come with me as I don’t like to leave him and I am sure he would enjoy the ride!”
“Nee botha Vinny, and aal be there in the background to keep an eye on you and Kato”


So Vinny and Kato fired the auld Fergie up and were ready to set away when Vinny had a thought?
“How much compost are we tarking about God?”
“Just 20 large bags Vinny. Peat free has been mentioned and its good for the planet,if not necessarily for the plants?”
“Nee way,aal never get that on the back withoot a trailer? I have got one at the allotment though and Kato can ride on there as well.”
“Well divn’t just taark aboot it Vinny,gan and get it!!!”


So,  the happy duo were on their way……eventually! A lot of the travelling was done at night, which was a bit hazardous as  Edward the Fergie had no lights and Kato was frightened of the dark. Luckily God intervened here and there and the tractor and trailer flew through the air at 20000 feet avoiding road traffic and creating less of a fuss. A few sky watchers were standing aghast as a Fergie tractor and trailer were silhouetted against the full moon like Mary poppins on her bike!
With Gods intervention the happy duo made it to what we think was Admins plot at Splott. The twelve wheelbarrows leaning against the wall was a clue they were in the right spot.
God spake,”So you are you the one they call the ‘Boss’ ? Well just as long as you tow the line I’ll let you keep that title,now where’s all this compost that needs shifting?”
Vinny was already loading a pile of compost he had found heaped together and the Boss gave him a hand!
“Thats it loaded then” sez Vinny “ nice to meet you Boss,but I need to get this to SP before her chilli’s get too leggy in their smaller pots”
God piped up “Never mind nattering Vinny, you do enough of that on the forum,let's get cracking!”
So Vinny and Kato set off with a full load on the trailer.Once again, as soon as it got dark, God took over and elevated the tractor and trailer into the clouds.
“Bradan here we come shouted Vinny. Aam a bit worried about gannin ower the watter though?”
“Nee botha Vinny, once we get to the coast I can drop you down onto the water”
“Ah cannot swim very well God so take that into account?”
“Yeall be alreet Vinny, if i can make people wark on water, and sure I can run a tractor and trailer on top of the watter nee bother”
“How much longer God? My wellies are saving my feet but this wind and rain is drenching my claes”
“ Nearly there Vinny, we’re ower the watery bit so I can take you back up to 20000 feet, that should dry you out a bit”
“ Look there’s SP’s dog come to greet us.Settle yesell  Kato and no fighting. I wonder whether I can scrounge a cuppa before heading back.Thank Goodness Bob is there to lend a hand at unloading compost”
“ Can you make it back yesell vinny,as I have things to do” said God.
“Your’e joking God aren’t you? How can me Edward and Kato get across the watter without your help?”
“ Aye good thinking Vinny, aal get you back ower the watter first and then you can make your way yesell”
“Cool” said Vinny “ Ave always wanted to explore Wales and there’s nee  better time than the present I suppose!. Still nee idea what i am going to write aboot though God and  that 50 squid on offer would come in handy””


“Aam sure you'll think of summat Vinny,ta ra for now kidda!”