Plants that need a strong talking to...........

I have a ripe tomato and a nearly red strawberry..............not picked either. I need them to talk to the rest of their mates and tell them to get ripening.

Shouldn't this post be in the Plants That Need a Strong Talking To thread?

As requested by PP.

I have clematis Hagley Hybrid that keeps wanting to come into the bedroom. I've spoken strongly, given it a body belt and tried to redirect it, nothing works!

Some of my Blauhilde french need a good talking to they're sulking and refusing to climb up their poles. How will they win the race to the top if they don't compete.

The "strong talking to" that I gave the nearly ripe strawberry failed miserably - it packed its bags and left home, probably assisted by a friendly bird.
Is there a thread for "strong talking to wildlife" anywhere???????????

I have a supposedly full size golden weeping willow planted at the top of the garden that I was warned will grow massive. I want it to grow massive but after three years its hardly grown at all. It deffo needs a good talking to.  I was hoping to see it in all its glory before I snuffed it but it's looking doubtful now.