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+--- Thread: Complaints to the Council (/showthread.php?tid=873)
Complaints to the Council - Vinny - 08-02-2021
Spotted this on Facebook.
Complaints to Councils and extracts of letters written to them:
1. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore
RE: Complaints to the Council - Veggie - 08-02-2021
Saw that the other day but wasn't brave enough to share it here.
RE: Complaints to the Council - Scarlet - 08-02-2021
Haha! Love it!
RE: Complaints to the Council - JJB - 08-02-2021
Nice one
RE: Complaints to the Council - Admin - 08-02-2021
Very good, reminds me of a lady I used to work with, she sent her husband to hair dressers for a wash, cut and blow job
RE: Complaints to the Council - Bren - 08-02-2021
Good post Vinny
RE: Complaints to the Council - Proserpina - 09-02-2021
(08-02-2021, 06:05 PM)Admin Wrote: Very good, reminds me of a lady I used to work with, she sent her husband to hair dressers for a wash, cut and blow job
I once told a patient's son that they were looking quite perky that day as the nurses had given them "a great blow job" that morning...
I then promptly had to segue into telling them both about a terminal cancer diagnosis. Not my finest moment.
RE: Complaints to the Council - Spec - 09-02-2021
(08-02-2021, 05:28 PM)JJB Wrote: Nice oneWhat one is that you are answering to JJB
RE: Complaints to the Council - JJB - 09-02-2021
(09-02-2021, 09:25 AM)Spec Wrote:I think it was Vinny's original, but I've been to sleep since then, so recollection is suspect.(08-02-2021, 05:28 PM)JJB Wrote: Nice oneWhat one is that you are answering to JJB
all a tad amusing. Need a smile, occasionally, don't we?