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+--- Thread: Festive Funnies (/showthread.php?tid=691)
RE: Festive Funnies - Vinny - 10-01-2024
Why Unicorns became extinct!
RE: Festive Funnies - Vinny - 14-01-2024
Not festive ,but quite apt!
Copied from a Facebook post.Ordering a Pizza
CALLER:
Is this Pizza Hut?
Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?
Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:
Super! That’s what I’ll have.
Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:
What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:
How the hell do you know that?
How the hell do you know that?
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER:
I bought more from another Pharmacy.
I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:
I paid in cash.
I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.
I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!
WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE:
I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
Welcome to the future!
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
RE: Festive Funnies - Small chilli - 20-01-2024
[attachment=7320]
RE: Festive Funnies - Veggie - 23-01-2024
[attachment=7323]
I apologise for any norty ones.
RE: Festive Funnies - Veggie - 28-01-2024
[attachment=7330]
I can relate to almost all of these!
RE: Festive Funnies - Vinny - 28-01-2024
(28-01-2024, 12:11 PM)Veggie Wrote: I can relate to almost all of these!I went carnivore six months ago but my freezer is full of veggies!
RE: Festive Funnies - JJB - 29-01-2024
Also needing that bag of beans, peas or tomatoes for tonight's meal, that you know is somewhere in the chest freezer, but having to empty the whole freezer to only find it's not there. Thereby dinner is late that night.
RE: Festive Funnies - Vinny - 07-02-2024
One for the oldies!
RE: Festive Funnies - Vinny - 08-02-2024
Seeds doing well
RE: Festive Funnies - Veggie - 08-02-2024
Perfect seeds for you, Vinny.